Friday, December 5, 2008

The Ugliest Shoes in the History of the World and why I have to buy them.

I don't get why something that is so ugly is so expensive. Nor do I get why my child MUST have it.

This happens every Christmas. My kids get to choose their one BIG gift. Now this gift doesn't necessarily need to be large or even that expensive, but it is usually the one thing they really want that at any other time of the year I'd advise them to either get a job or go sell plasma if they want it so damn bad. But at Christmas, I figure it's time to splurge a little on the one thing that is usually out of reach for them under normal circumstances.

One year they all decided they wanted a trampoline. Against my better judgement and regardless of the horror stories of broken limbs and head trauma, my stupid ex-husband and I spent over an hour on Christmas Eve in the back yard in below freezing temperatures putting together a trampoline. It was awful. I couldn't find but one of my gloves so there I was, stretching metal springs in one glove and an oven mitt. Under normal circumstances, I would not have done this. But it was Christmas so being the good parent that I am, I did it.

Another year, my little one wanted nothing more than to get a puppy. She didn't just want any puppy, she wanted a puppy from the litter my friends mom's dog had just had. Not only was this particular puppy not one I would have chosen, no one in their right mind would have chosen this puppy. First of all he barely qualified as a puppy. Mom was a Great Dane and Dad was a Rottweiller. My current wonderful husband brought him in on Christmas eve stuffed down in his coat. He looked like he had a parasitic twin. I don't know why he was trying to hide this beast but it didn't work. But he came in and surprised my little sweet potato and that is how we came to own a Gorilla dog named Tiny. My choice would have been a cat but again, it was Christmas.

In order to Feng Shui your home, the first rule is to get rid of everything that is not useful or beautiful. The freakin boots I purchased for Her Magesty for Christmas are neither. They are clearly not beautiful and as far as I'm concerned, suede boots are not really useful either. Even thought these things appear to be mukluk boots, you can't get them wet without having to spend an awful lot of time later trying in vain to clean them back to their original color. But even though, for $159.99 + tax and shipping, I could have bought myself at the very least 2 pair of really cute shoes, or even bought cute shoes for her, these God Forsaken things are what she wants. I'm not sure what it is about these things that girls like so much. She was telling me how comfortable they were. Hell, I have pair of old man paisley print pajama pants with the crotch ripped out that are the most comfortable things on this earth but I wouldn't wear them outside of my own bedroom and I damn sure wouldn't pay someone else even a nickel for them. But, it's Christmas so I guess in the spirit of it all, UGGS (the most appropriate name of anything I've ever heard) it is. Uggggg......


Nathan said...

I'm thrilled to hear I'm not the only one who thinks these are a weird obsession. Maybe this is a revolt for girls who always feeling like they have to cram their feet into uncomfortable strappy shoes for the sake of fashion.

Then again, weird things become popular that probably never should. (Macarena anyone?)

Fancy Schmancy said...

Try spraying them with water repellent. I have no idea if that will work, but the only other option is her wearing "boots" only on warm sunny days.