Thursday, November 20, 2008

Who Dat?

If you were behind me this morning, I'm sorry if I caused you to be tardy. I was driving slower than normal hoping to see that the Cooper Mini attempting to turn out of the Wal-Mart parking lot into traffic behind me, was in fact driven by Ted Nugent. I kept hoping he'd catch up but he never did.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

So Much Tragedy For Such a Little Day

I woke up this morning thinking it would be like any other day. Didn't happen. My usual routine is to slap the snooze button on the alarm clock several times until I can no longer put off the inevitable. This morning was different. I was only able to hit the snooze button twice. The tv in my room, still on the same channel as last night when I fell asleep watching the 10 o'clock news, was on the morning news and even though I was not fully awake, the voice of the anchor saying a familiar name jolted me into a straight sitting position. Did I just hear that right? Did he just say that B**** D***** was arrested for Vehicular Homicide??? I did the cartoon head shake and looked directly at the tv and sure enough, there, as big as Texas was my friend's mugshot. He had been on the interstate two afternoons before, apparently driving like a damn maniac either following or racing some other maniac, lost control of his car, hit another car that flipped over and ejected two people. One person died, the other is in critical care.

I am in complete shock. This is a man who is in his late 40's, has a wife and 3 children. He has tuition bills and mortgage payments and credit card debt. He is your average middle class working man. He is active in his children's activities and in his community. He and his wife have been friends of ours for years. Now, he's on his way to the clink and another man is on his way to the grave.

How do I make that call to his wife? What would I say?

What he did was careless, thoughtless, horrible. I am just mortified. There was a man with children, grandchildren, friends who they will never see again. And that is because of my friends actions. The victims family will be sympathized with, casseroles and pies will be brought to their house, insurance will pay for hospitals and funerals. Flowers will be sent and cards mailed. They will be interviewed by news media and the will be given help with money and arrangements and they will be prayed for. And they deserve every little bit of it.

I just wonder who, other than myself and a handful of others, will cry for a cute freckled faced 11 year old boy and a lovely 17 year old young lady when they see their father carted off to prison and their college money go to pay attorneys and restitution. Who will care when they have to move out of their home because their mother is unable to pay the mortgage? Who cares that it is a certainty that these kids will be ridiculed by their peers for something they had no control over? Who will send money or pies to this family who is also grieving? The embarrassment this woman will have to endure due to her husband, who up until this incident, has provided love and support and companionship to her for over 20 years. My heart breaks for them.

People are saying that its the victims family that has lost their loved one and their lives are changed forever. This is terrible and it's true. But all I see are victims and I'm so sick over it all that I just want to scream.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The White Trashiest of them All

Well folks, I think we have a winner. ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS THE WHITE TRASHIEST!! Not that Pamela isn't a suitable 1st runner up and would be willing to step up and take on the duties of the Queen if for any reason she is unable to........wait Anna is already deader'n a boot. Like Vodka Mom said, and I kinda have to agree, maybe Anna being dead does make her even trashier. (I mean OD'ing. How trashy is that?) I also agree that Pamela, by trying to be trashy makes her trashy on a whole other level. But I think that Anna's trash was/is in her DNA. Have you seen this girls family??

We did have some notable Write-In candidates. Courtney Love was mentioned and I think that we can all agree that she takes trashy to an artform, but in a gross trainwreck kind of way. ANS and PA are of the sexy/trashy variety. Kendra Wilkinson is also noteworthy. I do love Kendra though so I'm not real sure how trashy she really is. I think alot of her trash is just show. I'm not automatically disgusted with her (on account of how high class I am, I have a physical reaction to trashy people. I have a story about that involving my husband's ex wife...but that's for another day.) But on the whole, I think we can all agree that no matter what camp your are in, Anna Nicole, rest her soul, is truly very trashy and that is why she is our winner!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Why I take Xanax

I have a kid. She's okay I guess but she's not the brightest bulb. I was speaking fondly of her the other day when it occured to me that it's a good damn thing that she's cute because if she wasn't, there would be no way to charm people into believing that she is just a little ditzy sometimes instead of a full blown mouth breathing F***tard. But luckily for her, she's cute as a button so the stuff she says is endearing to most people. Thankfully most people stereotype and in this case it's a good/accurate stereotype. Imagine a cute, petite, blonde, green-eyed cheerleader saying all of this as you read on. (Have you figured out the stereotype yet??)

We have several lakes around here and when it rains heavily, the low lying areas around the lakes will flood. One particular lake has a tendency to flood a playground that sits close to the road. We don't get over that way very often so when we were there most recently (the time prior was when it was flooded) there sat the playground and volleybally courts.

Her: did they get the land there?

Me: huh?

Her: That used to be part of the did they get the land there?

Me: It was flooded before

Her: Huh?

this is my child and I love her.

here are a couple of more dialogues to reiterate my point:

(In fairly Hushed tones)
Her: Mom, thank you so much for bringing me here to see Kathy Griffin for my birthday.

Me: Your welcome. Count yourself lucky because as best I can tell, I'm the only crappy parent here who has chosen to bring their teenager to see this show.

Her: What? She's not that bad. I hear worse stuff at school. Do I have to stand here in the line for the bar with you? It's crazy long.

Me: Yes you do. If you left I'd never find you in this crowd.
(in her Cheerleader voice)

Me: Yep

Her: Mom, I have a question. Are bats real?

Me: huh?

Her: Bats. Are they real?

Me: huh?

Her: We were in science and we were talking about different animals and somebody said bats were mammals blah blah blah. I didn't know they were real animals or birds or whatever. I thought they were just in movies and halloween decorations.

Me: huh?

(Packing clothes into her duffle bag)
Her: I have cheerleading practice after school today so I'll be late getting home.

Me: Okay

Her: Where is that white shirt like this black one?

Me: No idea. What's wrong with that one?

Her: It's too hot in the gym to wear this one.

Me: Are you telling me that you don't want to wear that t-shirt because it's the gym?

Her:'s black so it's hotter right?

Me: Yeah in the sunlight...

Her: Huh?

She recently interviewed for a job at the mall. I asked her if she thought she was going to get the job. She said that the lady that interviewed her kept saying how cute she was.

She got the job.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Just a little Poll (dancin)

Tess and I are in a fight...

Who is trashier? I say Anna Nicole Smith (rest her soul) and Tess says Pamela Anderson. We got onto this subject by discussing the likelihood of Hugh Hefner doing the grown up with the 19 year old twins he's keeping company with these days. Poor Bridgett must feel like the dorm mother over at the mansion.

I say A.N.S. because Pam can at least string together a coherent sentence...most of the time.

Anyway, who do you think is trashier and why?

Back to the real news...Like Blondes and Boobies.

I didn't even realize it until today but I have apparently been sucked into some kind of a political black hole. I honestly did not know my media habits had changed so drastically. Not only have I not been keeping up with Perez Hilton lately, I haven't even looked a People or an US Weekly.

The reason I know that I've been in the vacuum was when I went to Yahoo this morning, I saw that Kendra Wilkinson, one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends and my favorite Girl Next Door (because she's as dumb as a bag of hair) is getting married to some guy that plays for the Eagles. Not only that, Holly the blondest of them all, and Hef also broke up several weeks ago. Something about wanting babies...go figure, he's 150.

I am usually on top of this kind of stuff, especially the Girls Next Door. I love them. That show is one of my guiltiest pleasures. I watch it while eating Cherry's Garcia and chain smoking.

Clearly my priorities have not been where they need to be.

Normally I can count on Tess to keep me up to speed on the important things in life but apparently while I only had Obamavision, she was focused squarely on Britney and her new album. In all fairness, I know that if Britney Spears is the news, we can't expect Tess to be very productive so it's no surprise to me that she wasn't keeping up with the comings and goings of the Playboy Mansion residents, but dammit, I still blame her for not snapping me out of my Political Craze Haze and at least reminding me to check Perez every now and then especially when the relationship of the most stable couple (or in this case quadruple) I know is banging on the rocks.

What will become Holly and Kendra without a full staff of servants??? I'm devastated.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Decompression and Long Term Plans

Yesterday felt like the day after Christmas. You know that feeling. You're happy, content, completely exhausted, but in a good way, but there seems to be something missing? That is how yesterday felt to me. No fighting, no hatefulness (other than on Conservative talk radio and a few Anti-Obama folks I know) everyone seemed less on edge. It was a completely different atmosphere than what we've had in what seems like forever.

Let me just stay I am COMPLETELY OVERJOYED that we will have a Democrat in the White House. About Damn Time is what I say. And for all of the bitching and crying Republicans I have this to say: big crybaby! If we made through 8 LONG YEARS of Dubya then you will survive Barak. He's nowhere near as stupid or incompetent so that alone will ensure that the next four years will get better. And look at it this way, my Conservative Brothers and Sisters, you will have SO much to bitch and complain about with a Democratic President AND a Democratic Majority in Congress. That in itself should make you happy. It will give Rush Lintball and Sean RANTity oodles of material to get ya'll fired up about. And i know how ya'll love to get mad and blame all that ails the world on us Godless Liberals.

Oh well, it will be 2012 before you know it and assuming Barak isn't the Anti-Christ and Armageddon doesn't befall us, we'll be doing it all again and I'll be back to having to just turn the channel to TV Land for an Andy Griffith re-run just to decompress.

No matter how much the campaigning process wore us out, we all need to remember that we participated in and witnessed History in the making and it was Grand.

I'll end on this note. My youngest daughter called me on my way home from work yesterday asking me to bring her a Newspaper home. I asked did she have an assignment that she needed the paper for or did she want to read the articles about the election and she said no, she just wanted to get one, save it in a big Ziploc bag and try to sell it in 30 years and make a bunch of money. Leave it to the kids to keep it all in perspective.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Meme meme bo beme bananafana fo feme fe fi mo meme...MEME

Fancy tagged me on one of these Meme things. Being new to this I've been trying to figure out some things.

1) Is it appropriate to tag just anyone or should you just tag people you follow??

2) Why "MEME"? Is that short for something? Did someone named MEME invent these?? ( I have an Aunt MeMe...maybe it was her)

Anyway, I've been tagged and I feel obligated since I am trying very hard to make people like me in this new world I find myself in.

Here are the rules that I lifted off of Fancy's blog:

Where would you have your 8 homes, if you were as insanely rich as the McCains?
List them. You don’t have to list your reasons, but if you do at least for a few of them, it would be more fun. And remember that the only rule is: the homes must be within the borders of the United States of America or else, within the borders of the country you live in, so as to utterly emulate the McCains. When you’re done, tag 8 people, so that they may join in the self-indulgence, forgetting about the crappy property market and the equivalent of The End of Pompeii on Wall-Street. You could spend your time hammering your doors and windows shut in preparation for the apocalypse instead, but it would be much less fun.

1. Outer Banks NC. It is beautiful there, the people are wonderful, it hasn't gotten too touristy and it has a little restaurant called Hot Tuna where my oldest daughter and I ate while we were on vacation last summer. We had the best time. I'm not sure if it was the food, the atsmophere or the name that I remember so fondly. I'm thinking the it's the name.

2. Manhattan, NY. Anything with an elevator, a doorman and a view of the park. Nothing too fancy, just need a comfortable place to stay when I go there to see a musical, do some shopping or take the Sex and the City tour.

3. Key West, FL. I'm a drunk and I need to live in a town where I can crawl from bar to bar with everyone else.

4. Somewhere on top of a Mountain in either Colorado or possibly Utah. I have never been snow skiing but I would love to be in a snowy mountain area where I could ski if I wanted to. Of course I'd have to check on the local ER's before I made my final decision on where I would have a house...on account of I'd DEFINATELY fall and break something...probably more than once. I'm not that graceful.

5. San Francisco, CA. I love San Francisco. My first visit there was at age 16 and I fell in love. Plus I love the gays and that is their Mecca.

6. Whidby Island, WA. It's just north of Seattle and it is arguably one of the most beautiful places on earth. I have family there and am always looking for a reason to go visit.

7. Nashville, TN. Because this is home.

8. Now this last one could be one of several places. I would pick any of these places because the names of these towns are just fun to say:
Schenectady, NY
Sheboygan, WI
Waterproof, LA
or my very favorite, Beaver Lick, KY

on to MEME #2

Share 6/7 random/weird things about yourself.
Tag 6/7 other bloggers, link to them, put a comment on their blog letting them know they've been tagged

1) I only like Fountain Diet Coke. I'll drink bottled or canned drinks in a cup with ice if I have to but if given the choice, I really only want a Fountian Diet...with lots of ice.

2) I am so terrified of Snakes, I even FREAK OUT when I see a picture of one...Thanks Fancy for damn near giving me a heart attack this morning.

3) One of my favorite things to eat is cottage cheese with Miracle Whip mixed in for a little flavor and scooping it with Frito's like a dip. Don't's good. Try it.

4) I am on husband number 3. We've been married for 4 years and that is 2 years longer than my longest marriage so far. I've not been the best judge of character in the past.

5) My head is full of Usless knowledge. I'm the one you want on your team when you play Trivial Pursuit.

6) 6 years ago I broke up with a guy who I'd been living with for about a year and a half. He took my favorite canisters and I'm still in the market for a witch doctor to put a voo doo curse on him for it.

7) I have NO IDEA how to put a link on here...someone please help me :)